So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
