i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
