careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
