I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
