i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize