I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
