Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
