I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
