I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
