I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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