just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
