U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize