I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
