You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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