I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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