Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
