Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
