Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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