I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
