I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am one with the molecules
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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