i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
