I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
