If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
