Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
