i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
