when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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