She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize