whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
