everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
