i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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