There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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