your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
