You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
