I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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