K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
