I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
