You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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