who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
