he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
