That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
