I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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