oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Farmville is her only friend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
