Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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