Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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