dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
