do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
