Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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