i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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