Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
