I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
