So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
