Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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