Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
