i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
