is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize