And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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