he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
