its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
