I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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