i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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