You can't motorboat a personality
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
