i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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