Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think i have herpe
just one?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
