I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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