I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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