garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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