Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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