guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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