I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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