Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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