She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
