considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize