omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize