Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
