This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
