my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
