Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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