my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
