I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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