He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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