we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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