I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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