oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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