I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
