hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize