then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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