i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
