Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
