I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
