Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize