peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
