she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize