if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
