What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
