I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
